A lot of things change when you become a military academy parent.
For us, the first change came in vocabulary. From the time our son began the application process, we began to learn the language of the academy and the military, ranging from the Candidate Fitness Assessment to the flashback-inducing DoDMERB, we began to learn our official second language.
Once we went through our first I Day, the trickle of phrases and acronyms became a torrent and we tried to keep our heads above water discerning between liberty and leave, scratching our head over chow calls and squaring corners, and wondering when the next Alpha Inspection or Golden Flow might happen.
Now our first I Day (at USNA, 2016) hit us hard, knocking the wind out of us and sending us reeling, scrambling for answers and searching for hope. For years, our Independence Day tradition found us crossing the river to watch the Trenton Thunder (then a New York Yankees AA affiliate) play and settling in to enjoy the post-game fireworks. Standing for the national anthem at that first post-I Day baseball game, I watched the scoreboard as I had countless times, with images of our military carrying out its duties, with my hat over my heart. About halfway through, I found myself choked up.
There had been more than one July 4 without my son for one reason or another but not like this one. It struck me that those images no longer represented faceless men and women defending our country but rather my son. As his time at the Naval Academy continued, they came to also represent his classmates, many of whom I came to know and care about (#YourMidIsMyMid).
When my daughter went through her first I Day at the USAFA Prep School, I realized that family would be expanding further (#YourCadetIsMyCadet). I stood in my alma mater’s stadium a few years after my son entered USNA, listening to the Falcon Marching Band present its stirring rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. As I had since that first post-I Day baseball game, I choked up and dabbed my eyes. A dear friend and fellow alum who knew both kids quite well, looked back and said, “it hits a little different now, doesn’t it?”
I only nodded.
Independence Day and the national anthem are only a couple of things that hit differently once you become a military academy parent. N*avy families will be drawn to any item in a store featuring an anchor. USAFA families will look at any military aircraft and the further along the process they go, the more easily they will be able to discern between an F-15 and an F-22.
We quickly learn to spot military uniforms in a crowd, which progresses to being able to distinguish between the branches and evolves into being able to figure out ranks and other details. We thank them for their service because we hope that some day others will appreciate the service of our own children.
Military academy families will still enjoy the three-day weekends of Memorial Day and Veterans Day, but will almost always inevitably pause for a moment of reflection. Most of us don’t fully understand the gravity of those holidays but we certainly develop a sense of it.
Like most academy experiences, it’s all about preparation for life after commissioning, for both Cadets and Midshipmen as well as parents. We parents are learning to adjust to life without our children, including holidays. At the same time, we are being eased into understanding that our children didn’t just earn an appointment to a prestigious institution, they signed up to be a military officer, which often includes being in dangerous places, places where few would volunteer to go.
For now, some can still spend Independence Day at home, enjoying the hot dogs and sparklers and fireworks. Others cycle through training, being preparing an incoming class for their time at the academy or getting hands-on experience in what their post-commissioning job might be. All parents, though, know this is a time of transition and the holidays that follow, even the ones they can share with their then-officers, will never be the same.
I now have one officer and one cadet. I saw neither of them on Independence Day and that’s OK. It’s what I’ve been trained for these past seven years, although despite that training, I will still find myself getting choked up before the singer gets to the “rockets’ red glare.”
My Kid The Cadet 